D gray man- love affair part 1
by Rockergirl7760
Summary: This is yaoi (boyXboy), if you dont like yaoi then please dont read the following story. It is also rated M for the sexual content and the language (may contain spoilers) As for the people who do enjoy yaoi, please read this and give me your opinion, this is my first story for this type of wedsite and i want to hear how i can improve :)


Allen simply had no idea of what he wanted, or at least that is what he was repeatedly told himself. He liked how Lavi would try to help him and how they both got along well, but he also liked how Kanda would know just when to be serious about Allen's feelings. He loved both of them which why it was hard to choose just one. Neither of them knew that Allen was sexually active with both of them, but Allen still felt he had to make a decision.

Whenever he would see them both at a time he would suddenly feel the temperature rise, he would get anxious and try to leave immediately. It came to the point where he just flat out avoided both of them by trying to remain out of the order on missions or secluding himself in his room saying he was busy so no one would bother him.

Lenalee was the only one who knew about Allen's situation other than himself. She tried to help and when Lavi or Kanda would ask about him to her she would just smile and make up an excuse that went with Allen's stories.

"Allen, what is bothering you lately?" Lavi said through Allen's shut bedroom door.

"Nothing, I have just been busy." Allen said while sitting on his bed gripping his knee's to his chest.

"It's more like you are trying to occupy yourself. Anita said that you have practically been begging for extra work, why is that?"

"I just want to help as much as possible."

"Can you let me in?"

"No, I am busy, sorry."

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, I am thinking about something serious."

"Like what?"

"Um, the millennium Earl, his actions have been weird lately since he is trying to locate the 'heart'. I also have to try to think of where Cross might be."

"I can help you if you let me come in."

"No thank you, I think I work better when I'm alone."

"Liar."

"W-what do you mean?"

"I recall you telling me you don't like being alone because of your past, once you even begged me to stay with you so you wouldn't have to work alone. Why won't you let me in?"

"I-I just want to be alone right now."

"Tell me why or else I'm coming in."

"No, please don't. I just want to think about something, I don't want to get you involved with it, I need to be alone right now."

"Allen if you are hiding something that is causing you trouble and you don't tell me then I feel like you don't need me. If you need anything tell me, I promise I will try to help you the best that I can."

"I'm sorry, but it isn't really something you can help with Lavi."

"Okay, but just know I am here for you okay?"

Allen remained silent because he knew if he spoke any more than that then his tears would burn through his eyes and his voice would be shaky. He knew that if Lavi heard him crying then he wouldn't take no for an answer and forcefully come into his room. Then he heard Lavi walk away and soon his footsteps vanished and Allen was all alone again.

Lavi was right, Allen hated being alone because it reminded him of when Nana left him and he was left all alone. Allen couldn't take this anymore and he knew he had to make a decision and soon. He let his tears stream down his face and he soon heard a knocking at his door. At first Allen went silent to try to make the person go away, he thought it was either Lavi or Kanda and he didn't want to take a chance of either one of them finding him like this.

"Allen?" Lenalee said through the door while continuing to knock.

"Lenalee?" Allen said.

"Allen can you let me in?"

"Is it just you?"

"Yeah."

Allen ran to the door and un-locked it for Lenalee to come in. When she stepped into his room he just hugged her and burst into tears. He didn't want to be alone but he didn't want to get anyone else involved, he barley wanted Lenalee involved in this. The only reason he let her into all of this is because he couldn't stand the thought of being all alone in this mess with no one to comfort him.

Lenalee shut Allen's door and sat down with him on his bed. She had never seen him like this and it worried her, she knew that he was really struggling for him to break down like this. He wouldn't let go of her and he wouldn't stop crying. No words were spoken for a while, Lenalee just comforted him.

After a while Allen stopped crying and asked Lenalee for some advice, she didn't know what to say though. It wasn't her situation so she felt she wasn't the one to be giving advice.

"Allen, it's impossible for me to answer this question for me. Look into your heart and decide on who you love." Lenalee said trying not to interfere with his decision.

"I love them both!" Allen said ready to start crying again.

"Then see who you love the most, if they really love you they will understand that this is an extremely hard decision for you to make. You need to make this decision fast Allen, nobody likes seeing you like this and I want you to go back to your smiling face again."

Then they heard some knocking at the door and Allen's eyes widened. He heard a voice saying his name while continuing to knock, it was Kanda. Then the door knob turned and Allen jumped up to the door to hold it shut and lock it.

"Allen what the hell are you doing?" Kanda said while continuing to push the door while Allen continued to try to shut it.

"Don't come in." Allen said while trying to make it sound like he wasn't upset.

Lenalee sat on the bed while watching Allen struggle to hide his feelings. She saw tears run down his face and knew that Kanda was going to get in if Allen was feeling this shitty. Lenalee got up and tried to help Allen shut the door. She succeeded and Kanda knew someone else was in the room with Allen.

"Who else is in there with you?" Kanda said almost shouting.

Allen didn't dare speak because if he did then the fact that he had been crying would be exposed so he just covered his mouth and tried to hide the sniffling noises. Lenalee knew she had to help somehow since the fact that the door was un-locked was her fault.

"It's Lenalee." Lenalee said.

"What is Allen doing, why isn't he letting me in?!" Kanda said while continuing to raise his voice.

"Allen wants to be alone right now."

"Then why are you in there?"

"I needed to talk to him and I will be leaving in a minute."

"I have something to say to him too."

"Too bad he doesn't want you in here!"

Kanda was silent for a few seconds and Lenalee's heart skipped a beat when she heard nothing. Kanda pulled the door open and the lock broke, the door was wide open and Kanda could see Allen looking up at him crying.

Kanda's eyes widened and stepped forward but Lenalee stepped in front of Allen and gave Kanda a glare that told him to back off. Kanda stopped and gritted his teeth.

"Allen doesn't want to talk to you right now so leave him alone and respect his wishes." Lenalee said as she stood her ground.

"I don't give a fuck, he is obviously going through some shit and I am not going to sit around while he tries to hide in the dark. I want to help him and I refuse to back off just because he doesn't want to be seen in this state." Kanda said while he felt tears burning his eyes.

Allen got up and wiped the tears off of his face; he stood up straight and forced a smile. Allen tried to pretend he was happy as usual and he stepped past Lenalee towards Kanda. Allen's eyes were clearly still red and when you looked into them you could see the sadness, but his smile made you think twice about it.

"Kanda I'm sorry, I really am okay. Lenalee came in and I got a little emotional because I was talking about Cross, I didn't want you to see me like that." Allen said, clearly lying through his teeth.

"Lenalee, get out." Kanda said after shooting a glare at Allen.

Lenalee stepped out and Kanda shut the door behind her, he blocked it with a nearby chair and turned over to Allen who was still forcing a smile. Kanda slapped him across the face and yelled "Idiot, stop lying!"

Allen stood there with wide eyes, he fell to his knees and tried to force another smile but he couldn't find the strength to do so. Kanda held Allen in a hug while Allen was still on his knees.

"Don't lie to me about your emotions; I want you to tell me everything." Kanda said while letting a single tear stream down his face and holding the rest back.

"I'm sorry." Allen said, still with an emotionless face.

"Now can you tell me what it is that is bothering you?"

"I-I don't want you to hate me."

"I won't."

"You don't know that!"

"Allen, I do know that! I love you and nothing will ever make me hate you, even if your betray me and try to kill me I will still love you up until the moment I die."

Allen took a while to collect himself, Kanda let go of the hug and looked Allen in the eyes and Allen took a deep breath and started to explain the whole thing that happened.

"While you were on a mission I was sad because you were gone for two months. Lavi was trying to comfort me because he didn't like seeing my mind wander like that. We ended up having sex and he told me that he loved me and he always has. Ever since then he has given me kisses and things like that, I have been trying to avoid you guys because I don't want either of you to get mad at me. Lavi is a good friend and I feel like I love him, but I love you too. I love you both differently though and I don't know what it is I want, please don't get mad at me." Allen explained.

"Allen, I can't believe you got upset about something like that. I don't care about something trivial like that and Lavi probably doesn't either. Take all the time you need to decide and tell me when you want to be left alone and I will obey your wishes." Kanda said as he wiped a tear from Allen's cheek.

Kanda got up to leave but Allen quickly jumped up and hugged him from behind. Allen squeezed tighter and tighter and buried his face against Kanda's back.

"Please don't leave me alone, I don't want to be alone anymore." Allen said.

Kanda turned around and kissed Allen while holding him in a gentle hug. Allen let even more tears stream down his cheeks but Kanda kissing him muffled his voice. When Kanda stopped kissing him Allen pulled him back in for another kiss and they both landed on Allen's bed. Kanda was on top of Allen and he started licking his tears off of Allen's cheeks and used his hands to go up Allen's shirt. Allen tilted his head back and Kanda started licking his neck.

Allen and Kanda spent the rest of the night either embracing each other or kissing each other. Allen knew the choice he needed to make, he loved Kanda.

The next day Allen explained the situation and answer to Lavi, he completely understood and they continued being friends. What Lavi made clear to Kanda though is that he still loves Allen and will never stop. He explained that he won't give up on Allen, but he also won't upset him by stealing him away just yet. As far as Allen knows though, things are completely normal between the three of them. What he doesn't know though is that the war between Kanda and Lavi over Allen is going to get even worse and he might get even more hurt in the process.


End file.
